We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
worst night to have a conscience
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
they're like a gay fantastic four
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
