Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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