Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
