Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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