While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
