...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I did not marry a roomba.
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