True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
