Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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