went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
