So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
