new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Blood and glitter go together right?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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