I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
NoShamevember. You game?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
