Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
