found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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