I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
