i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
