After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
