ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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