i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
