So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
