i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
