Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
