Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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