She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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