So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
