just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
