HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
