I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
We got so high we made milksteak
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize