her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
