The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
