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just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
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Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
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He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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