from now on my penis is your penis
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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