it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
