All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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