I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
How naked do you want me to be?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
