I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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