Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
