Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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