Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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