I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
