my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
