A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
