"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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