OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
