You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
