Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
