I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Randomize
