? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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