Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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