I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
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