I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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