Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
