hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
