Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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