She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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