yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
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at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
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Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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