i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
