how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I miss vodka workout Fridays
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
