accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm passing your future prison.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
