you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
