her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
