if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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