WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
