dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
