My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
