OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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