He asked me if I "almost moaned"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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