Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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