it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
