He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
