Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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