im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
