I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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