so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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